When Your Mother-in-Law Drops You As a Friend on Facebook

I just got an email from my mother-in-law who yesterday dropped me from Facebook. She made a really good point, “My reason for being on FB is clearly different from yours. I just want to keep connected in a light and airy way with my family and friends.” Her comment got me thinking about how the relationship between Twitter and Facebook creates content awkwardness.

Twitter was created to answer the simple question, “What are you doing?” The same reason why statuses were originally created in Facebook. Do you remember the Facebook name followed by the word “is?” Originally, users were suppose to tell Facebook what they were doing, like:

AO is writting a note.

Somewhere along the line “is” was dropped and became “What’s on your mind?” – a open invitation for Facebook users to tell their Friends what they were thinking about. From reading Facebook statuses, I don’t get the feel that most Facebook users have noticed the change. Facebook users still post mainly random updates about their routine lives giving Facebook a privatized but glorified address book feel, which in addition allows users to know there long lost friend in High School just ate Mac-n-Cheese after using the bathroom. In return, friends post what they are doing. Since no one really cares, nobody really pays attention except that small percentage of friends that regularly interact anyhow.

That’s so 2008 for Facebook! The social media medium is growing up and harbors so much more power for dialogue, networking, learning and community that most Facebook users are not-in-the-know (even though users can add media from a variety of sources today).

Twitter hasn’t changed it’s original question by sticking with “What are you doing?” even though many users send Tweets containing information, links, resources, and opinions about various subjects. In fact, you can’t sustain followers on Twitter if you are not providing significant content or engaging conversations. Only certain followers can tolerate updates about your daily life or what the cutest thing your child has done. The majority of users just don’t care about each others daily routines unless the user first and foremost provides interesting content. No longer is Twitter really asking “What are you doing?” but instead asks Facebook’s question much better than it can.

Many Twitter users, like myself, syndicate their stream into Facebook to carry on conversations outside of the Twitterverse. A problem emerges when two different questions are being asked and most Facebook users are not catching on to the fact that Facebook no longer is asking, “What they’re doing?” Some Facebook users are left wondering why some Friends are telling them a lot more than they want to hear or know. (My sweet Mother-in-Law just cares to know is how my day is going and what my kids are up to. Instead, I’m engaging in Twitter heated conversations about sex, gay marriage, politics, and religion.) Content obviously can become intrusive, invasive, and impermissible highlighting that there are those of us who use Facebook as an address book and others who are pushing the medium towards it’s fullest potential powering it by Twitter. Facebook doesn’t exist in a vacuum either, but often conversations make there way to our Facebook pages from our various online presences, including blogs, other social networks, and Twitter using Facebook like a receptacle for online conversing. This is a very different user mentality than maintaining an address book and users are always privy to the entire discussion at length.

Possible solutions. Facebook has recently added a hide Friend feature as well as separate lists. There are Friends who I honestly would love to stay in contact with, but don’t care what they are doing every moment of the day. These friends are hidden allowing me to visit their pages when I wish. I also have lists for High School Friends, Family, Thought Leaders, Close Friends, etc. so I can click on the content I wish to view more selectively. Unfortunately, users have no option to select which content is for which list, but perhaps before we go deleting Friends we should wait until Facebook evolves. Meanwhile, hide and organize your Friends so you don’t have to worry about content awkwardness and the stress of ending online friendships.